Rowan is nearing two years old, and he displays unmistakable signs of establishing his own independence. Mostly these involve wanting to exert control over what he can in the world...you know, they call it the "terrible twos". For a while now we've had a pretty successful strategy for certain things: let him have his tantrum knowing he'll recover quickly and be ready to play, for example. Trying to interrupt the tantrum and divert him only prolonged the suffering. We've been having increasingly long battles, though, over everyday tasks such as washing hands, brushing teeth, and changing diapers. Finally a couple of days ago I realized there was no need to be physically forcing him into submission for these things (which is what it seemed like I had to do if I wanted them to get accomplished). Rather, inspired by a partial-so-far reading of the discipline book our pediatrician recommended, I thought it would be better to see if I could motivate Rowan to do the things we wanted him to do by reminding him what would happen if he did the desired activity -- and then waiting until he made up his mind before proceeding with things. First, it was the teeth. I told him that unless he let me brush his teeth willingly (meaning without me having to pin him in my lap, pry his mouth open, and brush), he wouldn't get to hold the toothbrush himself afterward. This worked! He's letting me brush his teeth now and then when I'm done he says, "Row? Hold?" and he gets to hold the toothbrush. It's working with other things too; for diaper changes, rather than wrestle with him kicking and twisting, I lay him on the changing table, and at the first sign of protest I simply stop the diaper changing process and tell him that when he is still, I will finish and then he will be able to get down and play. We're a few diaper changes into this technique now, and he's quickly improving because I think he realizes all that's going to happen with his fussing is for him to have to lay there longer. The first diaper change like that took about fifteen minutes.
The hardest change so far was for lunch today when Rowan had been playing outside and needed to wash his hands before eating. Uncle Tim was over and we all had a tasty plate of lunch ready to eat. Uncle Tim and I sat down and started eating, but because Rowan had run away screaming from the idea of handwashing, he wasn't allowed to get into his high chair to eat. It took about fifteen minutes of him walking off, playing a bit, coming back, asking to eat, me telling him we had to wash his hands first, him running off to play some more, etc. until finally, once he realized neither Mommy nor Uncle Tim was going to feed him until he was clean, he submitted, tears in his eyes but with no physical resistance, to a quick handwashing, after which he clapped and declared, "Yay! Eat!"
Obviously while he was an infant we treated him like one. This meant responding to most of his requests by meeting them because they were generally sincere expressions of things he needed. That, however, is no longer the case. He asks for things we can't give him, often says he wants one thing only to see someone get up and get it for him after which he admits he didn't want it in the first place, and he shows signs of enjoying getting his Mommy a bit riled up. The good news for everyone is that the adults in this relationship are wise to these games now! Aaah, yes. Feel the winds of change. :-)